Why do people go on road trips? I think we all feel the weight of responsibility and work that we want to escape from from time to time. You see, when you're with your best friends (or your family) on the open road and God's creation as your companion, there is a sense of freedom you feel that exists in no other place but after this life. We all want to be free and experience life like that, but most will not because of the busyness of life and priorities that will glue us to our seats. However, some will find a way... (*This is an excerpt from a road trip documentary I made while in college about 5 friends who head out West on a journey of discovery.)
This time I am headed to Maine and Acadia National Park with a couple friends to camp, shoot the stars, and maybe even see the Northern Lights. Will post my findings when I return!
I'm not a very emotional person. When I found out I was going to be a father, I didn't react much. I just knew it was time to buckle down and take another step toward maturity. Part of me fought the idea, only revealing my selfishness and the need to die to myself and grow up. I mean, I had always really wanted kids but when you are actually on the path to becoming a parent, reality sets in. For the most part, no more late nights with friends. No more going to the movies all the time. No more two-week long road trips. It seemed like countless people told me that when I saw my child (or held him) for the first time, I would be overwhelmed with love and affection for this tiny person. So, when my son Emory was born I waited for these feelings but they never really came. I loved him because I was choosing to and I did my best to take care of him and protect him but it felt mostly out of obligation. Honestly, the first thought that came to my head when I saw my son was, "Who's kid is this?" Maybe that was just because he had a ton of dark brown hair and looked like a hot mess (I don't know). I know this may sound heartless but it's just the truth. I confessed these feelings to my wife, Liesl, a few weeks later and surprisingly she revealed she had felt kind of the same way after we left the hospital. A sigh of relief came over both of us. We jokingly shared with one another how much we loved Emory on a scale of one to ten (Sorry. Not going to give you our responses. I know you're already judging me!). After talking about it, I remembered that Liesl and I had fallen in love slowly; it wasn't love at first sight for us. It took time for our love to grow and mature, making it all the more rich and deep I believe. I know children are different but maybe this was similar and just part of the way God wired us. Over time, however, our affection for Emory grew (Liesl's a little faster than mine). Each week that passed, my scale was getting closer to ten (Stop judging!).
Even though I have always loved my son, it's nice to have the feelings that go along with it now (I get to spend half of each day with him, too! He is constantly making me smile and laugh). Ultimately, though, love is a choice. Feelings come and go. Affections can change. But when you commit to a spouse and your future children, you become a picture of how God sees us and loves us. That's why loving your family is so important. We are an open letter to the world.
I love the verse from Zephaniah 3:17 that says, "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will
rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will
exult over you with loud singing" (ESV). Just as we rock our children to sleep at night or pray over them or sing to them, so our heavenly Father does for each of us. And He loves our children more than we ever could. But as a father, I am a picture of what my children will believe about God (at least in part). There are holes in my love, as I have revealed, but our Father's love is perfect. And no matter what we do, He loves us ten out of ten every time. As messed up as the world we are living in right now is (and we can't protect our children from everything), we must seek to love our children as best we can the way God loves us. I desperately want my children to believe God is loving. What better gift can I give them? All for now.
Blessings,
Kyle
*I recently put together a short video highlighting Emory's life thus far. Our second son will be due mid-October. I guess I will have alot more filming to do. Enjoy!
